Editor’s comment: I previously wrote about the negative impact of swearing. As the sign in a barbershop in Huntingburg, Indiana states - “Profanity is the effort of a feeble mind to express itself forcibly” - swearing is not only offensive to almost everyone, it proves your lack of a powerful vocabulary.
Over the years, I have heard the statement over and over again, “I interviewed but never heard back from them.” Recently I have been experiencing the same dismay. One day in January this year, I was asked to meet with the General Manager of a hotel that was opening in our area. The appointment took half of my day for a fifteen minute interview. I was told that I would hear from him by the end of the week (four days later). I heard nothing. Immediately after I returned from the interview, I sent a handwritten note to both the General Manager and his secretary thanking them for their time to meet with me. Another week went by - no call. After the third week I called to ask if they had hired another company to do etiquette training for their group and was told no they had not. I was assured by the secretary that she would get back to me about the status of our proposal in the next day or two. Eight weeks later, no call.
Considering that the General Manager of the hotel was hiring our company to provide etiquette training for his staff because he said he valued knowledge of the subject, you would think that he would exercise proper etiquette and return phone calls and keep his promises.
I find it unfortunate that a company was willing to take my time to go to their office but does not have the grace to treat contractors (or would-be contractors) with the grace they want us to teach their employees. This was not the first time this has happened, but the practice seems to be getting much worse. I would love to hear about your stories similar to this one.
I didn’t realize I was overlooking one of the most critical parts of the international meeting experience: protocol. As an international meeting planner, I also needed to assume the role of protocol officer without the title. I quickly learned that it was my job to understand cultural expectations to get the job done. Here are some protocol tips I share from my hard-earned experience:
Communication Styles
Communication is not the same all over the rest of the world as it is in the United States — and I am not referring to obvious language differences. Americans like to “get to the point” and to know definitively what is going to happen at each step of the way. Our communications, both written and verbal, are more hurried. We often use “shorthand English,” thinking the other party will understand our meaning. For example, responding to questions from a Japanese meeting planning team, one U.S. hotel sales executive said, “No problem,” which was interpreted as “No, there is a problem.” The hotel lost the business.
In Asia, the Middle East, and in many part of Europe, communication is more looped. It starts with social chat, may include a mention of the work at hand, and then goes back to social chat. Americans may become frustrated with the time it can take to get consensus on a point, but should not try to hurry the process. Understand that the relationship between the parties is more important than the contract. In negotiations with vendors, “no” doesn’t mean no most of the time; it means maybe. Sometimes, as in Asian countries, “maybe” means no.
Dress
How you dress sets the tone for your business relationships overseas. Fortunately, the conservative navy or grey suit for men and women is proper just about everywhere. It conveys a sense of professionalism. For women, a modest neckline is just as important.
You may not have thought about it, but colors have a strong influence in how you are perceived abroad. While red is a power color in the United States, in parts of Africa it is a color of mourning. In Asia, it is a lucky color, while in Russia and many countries of the former Soviet Union; red still stands for communism and the blood of revolution. In Latin America, the color purple is associated with death. In Asia, white is the color of mourning. Color consideration must be given to gifts as well as dress.
Business Cards
You will need to hand out twice as many business cards overseas as you would expect to hand out during a meeting at home. In almost every office meeting, you will give one to the receptionist as well as to your contact. Always give your business card with your right hand or both hands. The left hand is historically the “dirty” hand, reserved for personal hygiene, so refrain from using it to offer gifts or your business card. Don’t forget to have the other side of your business card translated in the language of the country in which you are doing business if English is not the primary language spoken there.
Eye Contact
Meeting one’s gaze is revered in the United States. We determine if the other person is honest and trustworthy by whether s/he establishes eye contact with us. But don’t hold your gaze too long in Asia. A steady gaze is considered to be aggressive and even hostile. The rule to abide by is if you feel that your eye contact is making someone uncomfortable, look away. In most cultures, intermittent eye contact is acceptable.
Greetings
Greetings can be tricky. Handshaking is firm and relatively short (three seconds) in North American and Northern European business. However a lighter (limp) but lingering handclasp (10-12 seconds) is the norm in Asia. To make a great impression, go along with cultural norms. Observe. What you get should be what you give in return.
Gifts
In the United States, gift giving in business is regulated by Congress. There are limits to the value of gifts you receive from other American organizations. Other countries generally don’t have those limits and gift giving is an important part of business relationships. But there is an art to giving gifts. Knowing when to give, what to give, to whom to give it, and how to wrap it are equally important.
In Asia, at your first meeting with a new client or supplier, exchanging gifts will be the norm. There are mandatory gift-giving holidays around the world. In Japan, gifts are exchanged July 15 or mid-year and at year’s end, on Jan. 1.
Gifts representing your company, industry, or country should be made in your country. Some suggestions of appropriate gifts that work almost anywhere are picture books of your town or country, high-quality writing instruments, Native American artifacts, travel accessories such as candles, air purifiers, compasses (Muslims need to know the direction of Mecca), and zoom binoculars. Any intellectual gift — books, music and handicrafts (art) — will be appreciated.
Some taboos:
> leather gifts given to Hindus
> alcohol and any product which includes it as an ingredient given as gift to a Muslim
> giving knives, which represent severing relationships (so forgo giving that lovely carving set)
> a gift made in China given to a Japanese client.
Women in Business
In many cultures, women are not as easily accepted in the role of competent business people as the United States. Because of their cultural norms, it takes more time for international business contacts to trust a woman’s knowledge and competency. Be patient and maintain your professionalism. Often women are ignored at business meetings if they are there with male colleagues; historically they have been seen as assistants, not the ones in charge. It often is important for the group to overtly refer to the women and solicit their opinions on matters to keep all parties included in the meeting.
Promptness
Still another concept to grasp in order to successfully conduct business in the international arena is one of time. In all of Northern Europe, Scandinavia, the Netherlands, Germany, Switzerland, and Belgium, there is a high regard for promptness. Being 10 minutes early is appreciated. In the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, France, and Australia, promptness is appreciated. However, in Southern Europe (Spain, Italy, Greece), most of the Mediterranean, and Arabian Gulf Countries, a meeting may be scheduled for 2 p.m. and actually begin between 2:30 p.m. and 3:30 p.m. (except for banquets).
In most of Latin America and Asia, it is even more lax, and appointed times are just estimates. You can’t go wrong by being on time; just bring a book to read or work to occupy you while you wait.
Keep in mind that Americans are almost the only adults on earth who eat dinner at 6 p.m. Assume you will eat later than you are accustomed and keep that in mind when planning group dinners which include local colleagues.
I love to see all of the articles written about etiquette in across the world. I keep up by using Google Alerts with the keywords “etiquette”, “business etiquette” and “international protocol”. I don’t have time to read all the articles but sometimes, like today, I do. A law school student at the University of Virginia wrote about an etiquette dinner given by Dr. Sharon Abrahams, the Miami-based director of professional development for international law firm McDermott Will & Emery.
I think it is wonderful when lawyers and law students attend etiquette dinners and seek to learn the proper way to handle themselves in the real world. What I cringe at is when the teacher teaches the wrong things. The article stated that she taught them to put their napkin on their plate when finished. Is she kidding? Put your linen or cloth napkin on a dirty plate so that someone else has to remove it with food and sauce all over it? No… you put your napkin to the left of your plate to indicate you will not be returning to the table.
Dr. Abrahams had other advice for the students regarding appropriate dress. The reporter stated that she said that men have more leeway to wear casual clothing {than women} because their professional images are not so closely tied to appearance. Again, is she kidding? The way you present yourself, whether for men or women, determines how you will be treated by others. Both sexes should aspire to dressing in the most polished way possible so that their clothing is not a negative distraction and reflects their level of professionalism.
From the article I understand that Dr. Abrahams earned her PhD in education and I am impressed that she chooses to teach this important subject to young legal professionals. I only hope she learns the proper etiquette to teach so that her students won’t look foolish following her advice. There is a generally accepted standard of proper etiquette which is what most etiquette teachers teach. We don’t make it up and we don’t base it upon our own upbringing. We must keep a consistent message. Most of all, it has to be based upon common sense and its reasoning has to be explained to the students before they will remember the rules and follow them.
In advance of welcoming the world to Beijing, the Chinese government has waged an all- out clean-up etiquette campaign. It has been going on for three years and the “civic index” that was created and since monitored by Renmin University has shown promise in the forward direction. This article details the results of millions of etiquette flyers dropped on crowded locations, detaining boorish fans at sports events and the incredible push towards civil behavior in all realms of life in China. Thanks to the Olympics being held there, the Chinese people are learning the necessary skills of civility to compete with the world in other capitalistic ventures.
When I first visited Peiking (now Beijing) in 1972 with my family, there were few standards of behavior that I witnessed that were remotely as gracious as the ones I was learning as an American teenager. When I revisited in 1985 and 1989 the trend was still not swinging towards expected graciousness and proper etiquette as expected by Western business. However, as I teach my students, etiquette differs in different cultures and tolerance is necessary to get along without losing opportunity for relationships.
With the knowledge that China will be one of the lead stories on worldwide news channels every day for a month before and all during the games, the Chinese have to be commended for the efforts that they have taken on to make sure that their visitors have not only a wonderful sports experience but also take away the impression that China is ready to get along with everyone. It is in the “getting along” that etiquette plays its important role and I for one am glad to see that they are taking into consideration Western etiquette to make their guests comfortable. I hope that visitors will enjoy the warmth of the people and the richness of their culture and history.
But… I also hope that visitors take etiquette lessons before they go and show off how civil their countrymen can be. From my personal experience working in 102 countries over the past 25 years, etiquette lessons need to be learned by most of those I met. Relationships, business, social encounters, sporting events, travel, and whatever else occupies one’s life are all enhanced in a very positive way by taking care of the other person like you would like to be taken care of yourself. I can’t wait to see how it all works out at the Olympics this summer. In the meantime, I continue to offer classes and private consultations to those who desire a savvier life.
http://sport.guardian.co.uk/breakingnews/feedstory/0,,-7293000,00.html
Email etiquette is at the top of most people’s list (of those who use it, and that includes almost everyone) of Pet Peeves. While we can’t expect others to listen to our instruction about how to use it properly, as an etiquette expert, I am stating 10 simple facts. There are many more, but we’ll start here.
Once upon a time, business correspondence had very precise rules. Any business person knew that the date was typed below the address, paragraphs were indented or flush-left, depending upon fashion and every letter had both a salutation and a complimentary close.
Today, much of our business is conducted by electronic mail, and the formal letter has nearly gone the way of the quill. Here’s our top-ten list of proper etiquette for e-mail.
1) Always include a subject, even when replying to a message that arrived without one. Your readers must know why you’re writing. Omit the subject and your e-mail may be ignored. Make sure your subject reflects what is in the email.
2) Know who’s receiving your message. Don’t “Reply All” if you don’t know who’s included, or you might be corresponding with someone you shouldn’t. We know of an e-mail invitation to a retirement party that included the company’s CEO. Everyone who responded chose to reply to all. After the 100th response cluttered his e-mail box, the CEO had the party’s sponsor fired. Which brings us to our next rule…
3) DON’T use business e-mail for personal or social matters. It’s the same as stealing and considered very bad form. If you must e-mail friends, obtain a personal account. By law, all messages are considered property of the corporation, and you don’t know who might be reading them. By the same token…
4) If you wouldn’t say it in the middle of Main Street, don’t write it in an e-mail message. Lawyers can now demand e-mail files during discovery, especially in employment lawsuits. One manager lost his job and reputation when his colorful e-mail describing a female employee became evidence in a sexual harassment suit.
5) Double-check before you hit “send.” Run a spell-checker, and read the message over for grammar and clarity. Electronic mail is the business letter of the 90s, and sloppy correspondence reflects badly on you and your company.
6) Don’t be a junk e-mailer. Never send messages to broadcast lists of recipients. Many businesses made more enemies than customers by sending unsolicited e-mail advertisements across the Internet. Other don’ts: forwarding chain letters and sending test letters to anyone who hasn’t given their permission.
7) Know your e-mail program, and your recipients’. Some programs can’t handle attachments, others may garble them. Your readers can’t read the attachment unless they have equivalent software. It’s always safer to include everything in the body of the message. Even when you know attachments will work, be sure to list the program that created them. “This attachment was written in MS Word 6.0” will save your readers a lot of time and trouble.
Date and “sign” all your correspondence. Yes, that information is included in the header of your message, but that doesn’t mean it will appear on a print-out .
9) Don’t confuse matters by using more than one medium. If you’re sending e-mail, don’t fax or US Mail the same document, unless you say so in the e-mail.
10) Use common sense in forwarding messages. Some people return the original e-mail with their reply. That practice results in chains of eight or ten messages, in reverse chronological order: Confusing AND time consuming. Also, refrain from copying the recipient’s boss, your boss, the boss’s boss and so on unless it’s absolutely necessary. Your correspondent may be less candid doing electronic business with you if all will be revealed publicly to upper management.
On February 20, 2008, The Lett Group will be presenting Dining Skills for the Savvy Professional at the University Club of Washington,DC.
In a fun and creative atmosphere, learn the skills you need to navigate through casual and formal dining situations. Learn how to recognize and use all types of flatware, table settings, small talk and conversation topics, toasting, handling mishaps, host and guest duties and much more. Four course meal included in participant fee.
Times: 6:30pm until 9:30 pm.
To learn more details and register go to www.lettgroup.com/dining-with.html
This seminar is open to the public. Business Proper dress is required for the evening.
Reservations will be taken until February 10th.
On February 20, 2008, The Lett Group will present our popular seminar, Dining Skills for the Savvy Professional at the University Club of Washington, DC. In a fun and interactive atmosphere, learn the skills you need to navigate through casual and formal dining situations. Learn how to recognize and use all types of flatware, table settings, conversation topics, toasting, handling mishaps, host and guest duties and much more. Four course meal included in participant fee.
For more detail and to register go to www.lettgroup.com/dining-with.html .
I was recently asked about a sterling silver Classic Twelve. That really brought back memories! My great grandmother had one but it has since disappeared from our family. It is rare these days to find a Classic Twelve intact.
Very few Classic Twelves have survived for various reasons. Legacies didn’t help (one sibling inheriting the coffee pot, another inheriting the tea pot and a third getting the kettle and the tray, etc.) nor did The Great Depression during which time so much silver was sold for scrap to pay the bills.
Consisting of a coffee pot, tea pot, chocolate pot, hot water jug, sugar bowl with gilded interior (for brown sugar), sugar bowl with non-gilded interior (for white sugar), cream jug, milk jug, waste bowl, tea strainer with stand, kettle on stand, and an enormous tray, a Classic Twelve was THE high-Edwardian way to serve Afternoon Tea.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a special pot just for chocolate that you pour and savor. That would warm up a winter’s eve.
Vickie Elmer - writer for the Washington Post was kind enough to include my comments in an article published today in her column, “Working” on page D02, Business Section.
You can read the article here. There are many other tips like stay sober, don’t try to show off on the dance floor, don’t make toasts, be friendly with everyone, don’t spend much time with people you work with every day in lieu of meeting others in the company that you haven’t met before.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/12/05/AR2007120502583.html
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